Friendship: A Hidden (or Disregarded) Superpower

By: Luis Nava

Undoubtedly the core unit of society and the foundation of any city, state, or country are families, which we are born into. Meanwhile, our friendships - those people who are second only to family in their influence over our enculturation - are dependent on us. Having the ability to pick our friends is a big responsibility! The inverse of the great phrase, “With great power comes great responsibility,” is also true: “With great responsibility comes great power.” This means that, while selecting our friends is a difficult task, choosing correctly can empower us to improve ourselves.

As complex people who like to divide, categorize, and organize, it is no surprise that experts have sought to create a hierarchy to classify friendships. However, it is not just experts who label human interactions; we treat a cherished classmate whom we have known since 1st grade differently than a brand-new student. One method of organizing friendships is to separate them into three groups: confidants, constituents, and comrades. Confidants are the deepest bonds. They will stick with you no matter what, and they make you feel comfortable. Constituents simply share your visions and goals, and they will collaborate with you to reach your shared purpose, but if a better opportunity arises to reach that goal, they will desert you. Comrades share a common enemy with you, and they will help you defeat that opponent, but once the adversary is vanquished, they too will disappear. 

This list is certainly not all encompassing, as even comrades are closer relationships than mere acquaintances. The speed at which we convert acquaintances to friendships can be heavily impacted by culture. For example, Americans tend to use the term “friend” more loosely than other societies, particularly eastern societies. This may be due to the stronger family ties in eastern cultures. Additionally, language may play an important role in friendships. In the United States, the word “acquaintance,” refers to someone we know that we have not yet established a bond with, but this word has garnered cold sentiments around it, causing Americans to use the word “friend,” even in instances where “acquaintance” may be more appropriate. Americans, especially children, also use the term “best friend” to separate some friends from others. Likewise, in Poland, the word, “przyjaciel” separates close friends from superficial friends. However, “best friend” is thrown around quite often, whereas “przyjaciel” is reserved for more special occasions. Naming more people our friends through language will most likely cause us to perceive more people as our friends - it is hard to call someone your friend on a daily basis and not establish at least a somewhat friendly bond. Meanwhile, cultures who use the word “friend” sparingly will probably consider less people their friends.

Regardless of where they fall on the friendship hierarchy, it is imperative to examine every person that we purposefully come into contact with. There will unquestionably be some people that we will have to interact with, whether we would like to or not, but there are also many people in our lives that we choose to interact with. Jordan Peterson, one of the most prominent minds among contemporary psychologists and thinkers, outlined a list of 12 rules for leading one’s life. Unsurprisingly, rule number three is to “Make friends with people who want the best for you.” Peterson details the story of a young man with a promising future who ended up in poor conditions, no thanks to his unaspiring and confused peers.

Famous motivational speaker Jim Rohn’s mentor, John Earl Shoaff, says that you become the average of the five closest people around you, but truthfully, the network that helps sway your choices and habits is much larger. Nicholas Christakis, a sociologist and physician who teaches at Harvard University, and James Fowler, a political scientist who is an associate professor at the University of California, took it upon themselves to analyze data provided by the Framingham Heart Study, one of the biggest health studies ever. Their investigation led them to conclude that not only can your friends influence you, but also your friends’ friends. Interestingly enough, if a friend of your friend develops obesity, you are 20 percent more likely to gain weight. Even more shockingly, if a friend of your friend’s friend develops obesity, you are still 10 percent more likely to gain weight. Clearly, the entire web of people that surround you can drag you down or lift you up.

From weight and fitness goals to mental and work milestones, having the right friends by your side can make the difference between failure and success. Ambitious people who are aiming upwards should make sure that their social interactions nourish and encourage growth, rather than sever it. So, before you decide to accompany a friend of yours to the movie theater before your science final or before your championship basketball game, you should first consider how your time would be better spent, then determine if continuing to interact with your responsibility-shirking classmate is a good idea.

Works Cited

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-ooze/202208/how-we-really-choose-our-friends

• https://medium.com/the-mission/youre-not-the-average-of-the-five-people-you-surround-yourself-with-f21b817f6e69

• https://online.springarbor.edu/news/three-types-friendships#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20most%20common,in%20an%20online%20degree%20program.

• https://archive.org/details/12rulesforlifeanantidotetochaospdfdrive.com1/page/n83/mode/2up

• https://www.edge.org/conversation/nicholas_a_christakis-james_fowler-social-networks-and-happiness